Chuck Palahniuk Essay Collection

-Chuck Palahniuk

Greetings, readers! I have an interesting link to share with you today, especially my many fellow NaNoWriMo’ers. Some of you may know that Chuck Palahniuk began a series of essays on the craft of writing in 2005. He ended up posting 36 of these mini-workshops with his tips, advice, and lessons learned through his career. Now, his site no longer has the posts, and the only place they’re supposedly found is http://www.litreactor.com. However, I take pleasure in announcing that you don’t have to become a member of LitReactor-although the site does seem helpful for hopeful authors-because there’s a free version of Palahniuk’s collection here.

You’re welcome 🙂

I’m starting to read through his essays, and am already intrigued by the first one on establishing authority as a narrator. There’s homework at the end of each of his lessons, so I’ll probably post mine here. More prep for November! Let me know if you all try out Palahniuk’s suggestions; I’d like to compare results of the “homework” assignments and get some constructive criticism. How lucky are we to get a mini-workshop from a master?! Take advantage, folks.

lovelove
kembra.

NaNoWriMo

I think I may have made a mistake. Yesterday, in the ecstasy of typing on my new keyboard and getting back to blogging, I also happened to sign myself for National Novel Writing Month. The purpose of this annual event, sponsored by The Office of Letters and Light, is to give everyday people the motivation, tips, and pressure it takes to sit down and write a novel-all on a 30 day deadline. People from all over the world participate, and there’s a kids version as well.

It sounds cool and is a great way to network with other writers in your community, but where in the world am I going to find the time to write a 50,000 word book?! If you finish the entire thing within the month of November-no head starts, either!-you get a certificate, web-badge, and after verification of your work, you are put on the “winner’s wall” of the official writing month website. Some winners have even been published. 

Various activities are planned in each community by a liaison; events may include all night “write-ins”, meetings to discuss plot development, and coffee shop dates to escape the dark and isolating cave that the writer’s office so often becomes. I doubt that I’ll make any of these activities, but who knows-with a little focus maybe I can finish my first novel. I already know the basic premise of the plot I want to write, so with a little more tweaking I can definitely have a solid foundation to build on come November 1st. 

Feel like supporting the cause? There’s a link to donate on www.NaNoWriMo.org. All profits go to support the non-profit foundation that puts on the program and pays for things like staffing and kid’s writing camps. Who knows, while you’re there maybe you’ll feel inspired to sign up and commit to this crazy contest. If you do, my username is kgerner….find and buddy me! There’s nothing to lose, save a month of sleep.

Also, you may support my personal NaNoWriMo cause by sending me copious amounts of sunflower seeds, Advil, and wine.

T-26 days until National Novel Writing Month!

lovelove.
kembra

Dear Karen

Dear Karen,

If you’re reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it. So, good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this… this is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There is no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it: I met someone. It was an accident. I wasn’t looking for it, It wasn’t on the make. It was a perfect storm.

She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.

Now there is this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She is completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic; a great deal of maintenance required. She is you, Karen… that’s the good news. The bad news is that I don’t know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. Its a big bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could have changed everything.

I don’t know whats going on with us and I can’t tell you that you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn, you smell good-like home-and you make excellent coffee…that has to count for something, right? Call me!

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

Riches

Today in my English class we discussed the infamous short story “The Death of Ivan Ilchy”, by Leo Tolstoy (the guy who wrote and peace). It may be categorized as a short story, but the 40-page tale is woven with a theme of life and death that is heavy enough to serve as the basis for a novel. In short summary, an older Russian judge lives a life of wealth, prestige, and status. Upon fallin ill after a freak accident, he learns the true meaning of life from his servant boy and begins to pity the wife he once hated, realizing the life they led was one of artificial, shallow, money-driven happiness.
At the end of class and our discussion, my professor asked the class to write down their personal interpretation of the story’s theme and the goals that each of us have for our lives. The consensus of the theme of the story was easy for us to agree upon:

“Live life to the fullest.”

“Do what makes you happy.”

“Everybody will die someday, so live each day like it’s your last.”

The people who were called upon to voice their goals also all basically said the same thing:

“Graduate college.”

“Get married and have a family.”

“Live a stress-free life.”

These are all perfectly normal and admirable goals to have as a young adult. However, it wasn’t any of those statements that made me wonder what my fellow students were thinking, it was what every single one of them said last:

“Get a good high-paying job after I garduate, start a career, and be wealthy.”

WTF. Did you people listen to yourselves discussing the theme of the story we just read? Are you just that incapable of applying lessons from literature to your own life? Money won’t make you happy people, and neither will a 9-5’er when you’re 22. Sure we all want to be able to live without worrying about how we’ll pay for our next meal or stretching paychecks, but Tolstoy just tried desperately to teach us about the regret of growing old and laying on death’s doorstep looking back on a life that centered on a good job, accumulating wealth, and having good status according to whatever societal norms you subscribe to. Excuse me for ranting a little here, but it was so frustrating to listen to my peers talking like little American Dream robots. Granted, it is a little high and mighty of me to say that I know that achieving these goals would not make my fellow students happy later in life, and it would be absolutely hypocritical to insist they change their mindset to be more like mine. I guess in a way, this activity made me question my own perspective. Is it unrealistic of me to believe that we should all follow our own path rather than the one laid out for us by our social circles?
I could never honestly say that one of my goals in life is to have a lot of money. Sure it would be nice, but it seems to me that living for a good job and good money in turn would leave me with a very empty and unfulfilling life emotionally. I would rather have a life rich with experiences, love, and caring friends and family than one rich with money and materialistic things. But maybe that’s just me.

Save Draft

About a week ago, I wrote a long and pretty heartfelt post about the late Steve Jobs. Unfortunately, because I wrote this at the bar where I work and receive no wi-fi connection, the post was deleted before I got the chance to post it. In a short summary, I am so inspired by Jobs’ story. He is the Einstein of our time; he lived the modern American dream. From dropping out of college, selling his Volkswagen and starting Apple in his garage to being fired from the very company he founded, taking a year to experiment with psychedelic drugs in India, and eventually regaining power at the company that was, at times, the most profitable enterprise in the world (more profitable than the American government and the EXXON gas corporation).
Jobs was successful at what he did because he was doing what he loved, and this is a goal I think everyone should try to achieve. Whether it’s settling down and having a family, getting a degree and pushing paper, or turning away from what you’re supposed to do in order to do what will really make you happy, everyone deserves to be content in life. On the same note, realizing that what makes me or you happy may not make our friends or children happy is important because only then will we truly be able to allow people to defy norms and experiment with the abundance of options we are all afforded in our youth.
It’s been weighing on me a lot lately, so I just have to say this-
It’s never too late, nor too early. You can never be too young or old. If you have the opportunity to do something that will provide happiness in your life, seize it. Never live your life based on conforming to popular beliefs or doing what everyone in society says you should be doing. Only you can define what is right for you, and only you can control your own destiny. If you don’t set the terms for the way you live, you’re letting someone else do it for you.

If you’ve never read Jobs’ commencement address to the graduates of Stanford University, I suggest you do. It’s a quick, entertaining, inspirational, and revealing read.
Click here to read the speech.

lovelove.

kembra

Romeo and Juliet.

In the eighth grade, my English class had to read “Romeo and Juliet”. Then for extra credit, Ms. Snyder made us act out all the parts. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Ms. Snyder Juliet was an idiot. For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can’t have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Ms. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, it was very clear to me that love, like life, is about making choices, and fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it’s so romantic. Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of the poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got!

I wonder what Juliet would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he’d changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet he’d just disappeared? I thought I knew how Juliet would feel. She wouldn’t go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn’t ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she’d lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo’s face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that eventually.

I wonder if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn’t say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure-a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand. If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were still there. Maybe Paris would have been as close to happiness as she could get.

But, in the end, I knew Romeo wouldn’t change his mind. That’s why people still remember his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That’s why it was a good story. “Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris” never would have been a hit.

Well, maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay. I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, I’d take fate into my own hands. I wouldn’t let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I’d be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and if I did, we’d be together forever. Even now I believe that, for the most part, love is about choices. It’s about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending… most of the time. And sometimes, despite all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.